


Le nozza di Romanski

by FaustianDevil



Series: Things are better if I stay [6]
Category: Syberia
Genre: Also old woman thinks about her past and her long list of lovers, Automaton Fucking, Automaton/Human Relationships, F/M, Fingering, Getting drunk with your butler, Making out with said butler later on, That leads to some automaton fucking, You know just a usual Sunday, crashing a party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 12:37:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13235898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustianDevil/pseuds/FaustianDevil
Summary: Helena is irritated when another diva insults her talents and decides to have a few drinks with her butler before crashing the other diva's recital at the hotel.Hilarity and other things ensue.





	Le nozza di Romanski

**Author's Note:**

> What a way to start of the New Year am I right~?  
> Also I literally had no idea what to name this monster, I guess I wanted to be artsy and sohpsiticated, but it's sadly all an act, I am neither...
> 
> Hey if you like my work go and give it some kudos or comments, would really appreciate it.

Helena Romanski, former diva of the Soviet era lied on her queen sized bed and glared up at the ceiling, and only directed her glare away from it when she heard the door opening. In came her automaton butler that rolled back quickly to the hallway as soon as he saw his mistress reaching for one of the pillows, ready to throw it at his head, and hid behind the door before it made collision.

\- I see Madame is already awake!  
\- Get lost!  
\- … And in a cheerful mood as always!

He slowly peeked inside still hiding behind the door to see if it was safe to enter and was greeted with another pillow flying towards his head.

\- Madame, please! We usually do this later in the day!  
\- I said get lost!

It seemed he really had a problem with following orders, because instead of doing what his mistress wanted him to he rolled over to her side.

\- James, do you have trouble with your ears or are you just stupid?  
\- My ears are just for show, Madame, and I like to think of myself as an automaton with quite the finesse and wit … so my answer to both is firmly, no.

With that she rolled over to her side not wanting to face him any longer.

\- Then you just hate me and want to make my life even more miserable than it already is!  
\- On the contrary, Madame. Now …

He gently pulled her up into a sitting position, so they could properly continue the conversation, but his mistress didn’t take to it lightly and yelled all sorts of vulgarities at the automaton nurse, which he didn’t seem to be too bothered by, he was even quite used to it.

\- Now, now, calm down, Madame. Let’s talk properly. What seems to be the problem? You can tell old James what’s bothering you.  
\- You’re bothering me! Especially when you talk to me like that! Now do me a favor and leave already! I wish to be alone!  
\- Not until Madame tells me what’s bothering her.  
\- Well you can wait for that!

With that she pried his hands off of her and lied back down again and James could only sigh and shake his head.

\- Is it about tonight … or more precisely about Madame Natacha Bourovia?

As soon as she heard the name her face twisted into a disgusted expression and the automaton knew exactly what the cause of her violent mood swings were this time around. She repeated the name a few times, and after each repeat her voice got louder and angrier and she sat up with a scream taking the automaton by surprise as she went off on a rant.

\- That unpleasant woman! Oh, how I hate her! No, I despise her! She dares to claim that she has a better voice than I? Ha! My voice moved amateurs and professionals alike when I was only at the tender age of 20! Where was she at that age? Nowhere! Haha! My songs were collected on golden disks and sold millions of copies all over the world! While she could hardly even sell a thousand in Russia! I was the nation’s glory! I toured not only in the Union, but all over Europe! And Natacha? Her biggest performance could’ve only been at a bar at best! Haha! Not to mention her puny little voice could hardly even scrape a crystal glass, while mine could break it! Haha! And not only that, but hearts as well! Haha! I have been hailed by kings and courted by princes, grown men would sink to their knees when they heard the first notes of my recital! Haha!

James desperately tried to calm down his mistress and get her to finish her rant soon, or the very least to continue it on the floor and not while jumping on the bed where she could slip and fall. Thankfully she seemed to get to the end of her nostalgia infused venting, and with all the memories that washed over her came the sadness of realization that her fame and glory was all in the past, and with that she slowly sunk back down to the bed and buried her face into her hands.

\- But what does it all matter? … That was then … And where am I now? … In this Hotel where hardly anyone stays … I have been here for who knows how long … And there is no chance for me ever leaving this place … There is no cure for my illness … And no chance for my voice to ever return …

James didn’t know how to respond to her after all that and just awkwardly looked around the room and tried to reach out to his mistress, but each time he pulled his hands away in fear of angering her even further and just ended up listening to her sobs as it filled the room until he gathered enough courage in him to speak up again.

\- W-would Madame l-like a drink?  
\- What do you think?

Came the angry response and he quickly rolled away, but before he left the room she added “And don’t forget to add plenty of gin this time!”.

\- Of course, Madame!

And the automaton left to the bar and came back soon after with a tray full of alcohol for his mistress. She didn’t hesitate and took one and downed it just as quickly, and stared at the empty glass for a good minute before throwing it at the nearest wall, making poor James jump, nearly dropping the tray along with the rest of the glasses. With that Helena got up from the bed and the automaton nurse was preparing himself for the worse, that didn’t even come, as she just walked past him and over to the wardrobe and looked over her dresses. Taken back by her actions he rolled up behind her, but not before taking a glass himself and drinking it.

\- What are you doing, Madame?  
\- Is it not obvious? I’m picking out a dress for tonight! I want to see what that woman can do if she claims to be that good!  
\- Why be part of her already small audience, Madame? … There is really just us and whatever remains of the staff since New Year’s … Let’s forget all this and just …  
\- No! I’m going!

James just sighed, he was already well aware that there was no chance of winning an already lost argument and was ready to help pick out a dress for his mistress, when Helena turned around and gave him a smile that made him jump again.

\- And you’re coming as well!  
\- … P-pardon?  
\- You can’t expect me to go alone!  
\- I … well … I …

The automaton failed to make one comprehensible sentence and just stuttered all sorts of nonsense, while Helena turned her attention back to the wardrobe and when she couldn’t find what she was looking for she left for the door, hardly giving a chance for James to gather himself.

\- And now where is Madame going exactly?  
\- To get you a suit obviously!  
\- … I’m not sure I’m following anymore.  
\- Well if I can’t defeat her with my voice I want her to make her green with envy in other ways! I still look good for my age!  
\- That is undeniable, Madame.  
\- Thank you! And if I appear with a handsome man by my side that would also drive her mad!

It didn’t take long for the comment to reach the automaton, and if it could have been possible a smug smile would have spread across his face.

\- … Oh, so Madame thinks I’m handsome!  
\- Well, there’s not much I can work with … as you said there is hardly anyone left in the hotel … so you have to do …

James rolled closer to her.

\- I will still take it as a compliment!  
\- You’re still unbearable and boring!  
\- But I have looks to compensate it with!

The former diva looked him up and down.

\- Well it’s not much … You need to compensate for a lot more … Especially that you don’t have …  
\- Oh, please Madame you haven’t even tried me! And it is no use to deny anymore! I saw Madame staring at my mechanical torso for minutes longer then a lady should!

Madame Romanski’s face flushed red at his comments and retorted with a “I certainly wasn’t!” before leaving the room, but quickly turned back to take a drink with her as well and with that James did the same.

\---

It didn’t take long and Helena returned to her room with a suit she managed to borrow from one of the hotel’s remaining staff members and handed it over to James.

\- Do I need to wear the whole thing?  
\- James, don’t be ridiculous! Of course you do!  
\- Well, I’m just asking, because as Madame has probably noticed … I’m lacking legs.

The former diva just stared at the automaton, inhaled sharply, and he understood quickly not to test her patience any further, and offered her a drink in order to calm her, which she gladly took.

\- While Madame was gone I took the liberty and chose a dress for her.  
\- It’s always surprising when you actually do something useful.  
\- I’m full of surprises, Madame.  
\- So? Where is it?  
\- I put it on the bed.

He answered her as he already started to dress himself and she walked over to the bed to inspect what he chose.

\- James, why do you always make me dress like I’m going to a funeral?  
\- Black brings out your eyes more …

At the realization of what he just said he quickly turned away from his mistress, who now had a mischievous smile sitting on her face.

\- Really now? So, I’m not the only one here who was caught staring.  
\- Ah! So Madame admits it!

She took another swing at her drink not even giving him a reply and went behind the screen to change. In the meantime James finished dressing himself and rolled over to the mirror and was quite pleased with what he saw, while Madame Romanski peeked over the screen and chuckled at the scene.

\- I never thought you were such a narcissist, James.  
\- I’m not narcissistic, Madame, not in the very least … but you do have to admit that I look quite dashing.  
\- In your dreams!

With that she finished changing as well and walked over to her butler.

\- I know you chose this just so you could help me with the zipper.  
\- Of course not! Just what does Madame even think of me?

He pulled the zipper up on the back of her dress and rested his hands on his mistress’ back for a minute longer than it would have been appropriate for a butler to do so.

\- I don’t have to think anything … I just know you.

And with that she took seat in the wheelchair and James rolled her over to the mirror.

\- Will you help me pick out my jewelry as well?  
\- Most certainly, Madame!

Helena pulled out one of the drawers of the dressing table, that had a box in it that contained all sorts of necklaces, bracelets, earrings and rings, one more breathtaking than the other, and James took the time to inspect each and every one of them and handed over the ones he liked best to his mistress who told him where she got them. First was a bracelet, decorated with rubies that were as red as blood.

\- Oh, I remember this one. It was given to me after my French tour …  
\- Oh!  
\- By a very handsome admirer.  
\- Oh …  
\- And with whom I spent the night with at the Meuritz …  
\- I changed my mind! It doesn’t go well with Madame’s dress at all!

He quickly took the bracelet back and put it back in the box and took out a ring with quite the enormous diamond.

\- I remember that one as well!

James mumbled a “Of course you do.” under his metal mustache.

\- A prince proposed to me with it.

As soon as he heard that James dropped the ring back into the box.

\- If it makes you feel any better I declined his offer and only kept the ring.  
\- It doesn’t …

Now he was more wearily looking through the jewelry box, fearing whatever stories he would hear from his mistress and just pointed at a pearl necklace.

\- That was given to me by a Sultan …  
\- And the reason?  
\- For being a bad girl.

She smiled at him sheepishly, and while the automaton couldn’t convey any sort of emotion on his face, it did seem he was having enough of her nostalgia parade.

\- Is there anything in here that was given to you for being a good girl, woman?

It took her a while, but she managed to find a necklace and a matching pair of earrings.

\- These were given to me by father after my first recital. Will they do, James?

James just waved his hand and decided to take one of her drinks again, now not much in secret and downed it right in front of her.

\- I didn’t knew you drink, James?  
\- I only started today …

He placed the empty glass back on the tray and took another one.

\- And I doubt I will be stopping any time soon.

He took a swing from it while his mistress applied her makeup. After she was done she joined him in drinking, with still having time before Madame Bourovia’s recital would begin and what better way to spend it than sharing a few drinks with the person you love, or the very least not entirely hate.

\---

The hours seemed to pass by quickly, it happens when one is having fun, and the former Soviet diva and her butler nearly missed Madame Bourovia’s performance, and joined everyone at the hotel bar at the very last minute. The performance was nothing spectacular to begin with, and poor Natacha was only able to complete one verse, before a heavily intoxicated Madame Romanski stole the scene and started to sing an aria that borrowed verses from nearly every opera she performed in during her career and it quickly became a mixture of drunken nonsense about either love, or tragedy, or both, that only James seemed to enjoy and praise. Enraged, Madame Bourovia left the bar and stormed back to her room, while James joined his mistress and sang, or attempted to do so a few duets with her, but never quite from the same opera as she did, and soon each and every of the remaining staff members left leaving the intoxicated mistress and butler to only perform for each other. Nearly after an hour of singing to only themselves, and downing a few more drinks in the process, the couple wobbled down the hallways back to Madame Romanski’s room. They were in such an euphoric state that only Dionysos’ wine could grant, but for them it was several white ladies and some added on vodka and expired motor oil. As soon as they reached the door James insisted that he would like to carry in Madame Romanski in his arms, because that is what tradition asks of him.

\- What are you talking about you idiot?  
\- As the groom it’s only to be expected of me … I read about it … I think …  
\- … We’re married?  
\- Yes … or is that not the reason why I had to dress up …  
\- I don’t even remember you proposing to me?  
\- I probably didn’t … I lack the legs to kneel with …  
\- God you’re so pathetic!

She had enough of him and went over to the door ready to open it, but before she could James swept her off of her feet and held her in his arms, which didn’t result in any sort of praise of course, and was only received with a shriek and Madame Romanski wrapping her arms around his neck.

\- Just what do you think you’re doing?  
\- Proving a point! See, I can do it, Sugar!  
\- Brilliant, and how are you going to open the door with both of your hands occupied?

The automaton just stared at her realizing that he really didn’t think things through, while she just smiled smugly at him.

\- I … I … might require some … some assistance.

She opened the door for him while calling him an “Idiot!”, but this time around her tone didn’t seem to carry any sort of belittlement as she said the word, the insults only came after when James tried to fit through the door with Madame Romanski in his arms.

\- You’re going to drop me!  
\- Won’t!  
\- Will!  
\- Won’t!  
\- Will!  
\- I told you, I won’t! … And my name is James, not William!

At that Helena burst into laughter, while James somehow managed to carry her over the threshold, trying to stiffen a laugh himself as he did.

\- Alright, we’re inside! You can put me down now, William!  
\- What did I say!  
\- You can still put me down, whatever your name is!  
\- Oh, no, no, no! The night is still young, Sugar!  
\- And what exactly do you have in mind?  
\- Oh, you’ll see … you’ll see …

With that he looked around the room and made an “Ah!” sound and rolled over to the dressing table, brushing everything off of it and lifting Helena on it.

\- James, just what do you think you’re doing?  
\- Proving to Madame that I’m not as boring as she thinks I am!  
\- And just how exactly do you plan to do that?

To answer her question he cupped her face with his cold metallic hands, pulled her close and kissed her. She was surprised to say the least at the sudden kiss, but after the sudden shock was gone it was not unwelcome and she melted underneath him. He pulled away, yet she pulled him right back into another kiss, but not before whispering “Don’t stop!” into his ear, even though she knew very well that it was only there for design, but he still heard her and happily obliged. He busied his hands with undoing the zipper on his mistress’ dress and freeing her from it, along with her undergarments, ‘till the only thing that was covering her naked body was her jewelry and gray hair that came undone in the process and he had to take a minute to take in her beauty before returning to kissing every inch of her body. She moaned his name after each cold touch and kiss he left on her body and she tried to slip a hand in between her tights, but James grabbed her hand before she could do so.

\- Oh no, Sugar, you’re hands are going somewhere else.  
\- W-what do you mean?

James started undoing the buttons of his shirt and opened up his chest plate to reveal his wheelwork and pulled his mistress’ hands closer to it.

\- Have fun!

With that he kissed her again and rested his hands on her thighs, while Helena tried to do what he asked of her, and tried to have fun with his insides. She moved her long slender fingers along his gears that were slightly stuck together from all the consumed alcohol and he shuddered under her touch as he kissed her neck. Helena explored his wheelwork with her fingers, terrified of doing any harm to him, even if James kept reassuring her that it was fine, and in the end she finally stopped one of the gears in their motion, making his movement slightly jerky for a second until it went back to normal.

\- K-keep going, it’s f-fine!  
\- It doesn’t sound like it …  
\- I-it’s per-fectly normal.

She shook her head, but still rotated the same gear backwards then pulled her finger away and let it spin abruptly until it settled back to its usual motion, while he jerked and squirmed again for a good minute, as he ran his hands around her thighs until he finally moved a hand up to her crotch and ran his fingers around her clitoris in circles, and they continued on slowly exploring each other. Helena moved his gears back and forth and with each gear she moved she could feel him heat up, and his motions getting shakier, as he slipped a finger inside her and felt around until he pulled out from her and repeated the process a few more times. As he teased her she started to stop messing with his gears, so he pressed closer, kissing her neck and whispering into her ear to continue or he’ll stop as well. That seemed to work as she moved her fingers back to his wheelwork and in between moans she stopped some of the gears and springs in their motion, while James felt around inside her until he found her sweet spot, making her writhe and moan his name, pulling him closer by the edges of his chest plate. Both of their movements became shakier and rougher as they continued on, nearing their climax, Helena pulled him close once again and whispered something to him in the dark as they finished. They stayed like that for a while, pressed together and only their breathy moans and mechanical stutters filling the room until James decided to break the silence.

\- S-s-s-o, w-as it a-ny go-od?  
\- I think you know by now what I think.

She wanted to pull him into a final kiss, but he stopped her and reached for something in the drawer, but he stopped, realizing that his fingers were still covered in her essence and wiped it on his undone shirt, before going back to the drawer and the jewelry box and pulled out the diamond ring from earlier.

\- James, you can’t still be going on about that …

But before she could finish her sentence he slipped the ring on her finger.

\- I-i-it’s fr-om m-m-me n-ow.

And with that he kissed her hand.

\- L-let’s m-m-make thi-ngs o-official.

She smiled at him and finally pulled him into a kiss.

\---

The very next morning as the first rays of sunlight crept through the window, and illuminated the automaton nurse, as he hunched over the wheelchair battling a terrible headache from last night. He tried to push himself away and into an upright position, but his mechanical joints creaked and screeched at every move, and the pounding in his head got worse along with his movements, so he decided not to push it and stayed like that for a little while longer instead. He wasn’t the only one fighting of the hangover as Madame Romanski groaned when the sunlight hit her eyes and pulled a pillow over her head. James was about to greet her and start of their usual morning fight, with trying to get her out of bed and be somewhat social for the day in the nearly empty hotel, but as soon as he tried to open his mouth a loud knock could be heard on the door with a very angry Felix Smetana on the other side of it. He turned his head towards the door and just listened to the angry receptionist, not having any intention of opening the door for him, while his mistress grew ever so frustrated with the noise.

\- James, someone’s at the door!  
\- I know.  
\- Aren’t you going to get it?  
\- No.  
\- Why?  
\- Maybe if we stay quite he’ll leave …

“I know you’re in there!” came the angry response and James sighed as he slowly rolled over to the door and opened it.

\- Felix! It’s so good to see you, old friend! How are you on this fine day?  
\- Shut it!

And with that he shoved a piece of paper to James, who took it and just stared at it before asking what it was exactly.

\- It’s a list of the property that has been damaged last night by you … and presumably Madame Romanski … but obviously by mainly you!  
\- Oh, Felix, you stayed up all night making this list? And just for me? You shouldn’t have … And I do mean it, you really shouldn’t have!

The automaton tried to push the receptionist out the door, but he put his foot down.

\- It also contains the cost what it will take to repair everything! You have until the end of the day to pay me!

James looked at the paper again and laughed.

\- Only 5000 rubles?

He turned over to his mistress who was still under the covers and pulling the pillows over her head to block out most of the conversation.

\- We can do better that now, can’t we Madame?  
\- I’m not feeling up to it, but you just go ahead and smash in a few more windows.  
\- You heard the lady Felix! Move aside!  
\- Not a chance! You have until tonight or I’ll … or I’ll …

He couldn’t find any sort of threat and just shut the door as he left, and as soon as he was gone James ripped the paper into pieces and threw it in the air as if it was confetti and rolled over to his mistress’ bed, who finally sat up and wrapped the sheets around her naked body.

\- He really hates you.  
\- I know, but I can’t be bothered.  
\- I guess it’ll have to be me who has to cover for you again …  
\- Well, I don’t get paid after all.

She smiled at him and got up from the bed and walked over to him and took a seat in the wheelchair.

\- Madame, shouldn’t you be getting dressed?  
\- Give me a minute!

She looked up at him and at the wrinkled suit he was still wearing.

\- I guess we’ll have to pay for that as well … What’s that on your shirt?

She pointed at a stain and James inspected it, trying to make it fade a bit with rubbing his fingers against it, but it didn’t seem to want to leave his shirt any time soon, so he just shrugged.

\- Does this mean I can keep it?  
\- Probably …

She was feeling another headache coming and she raised her hand to her head, but her butler pulled it away when he noticed the ring on her finger.

\- And what’s this?

Helena looked at the ring a bit lazily until she remembered last night and smiled again.

\- Oh, that … it was given to me by … a certain admirer.  
\- I’m afraid I don’t remember much from yesterday, but I feel like I already heard that story.  
\- No, I think I actually mixed it up … you know how it is … all those admirers … lovers … but this one is special.  
\- Couldn’t be that much if Madame forgot about him so easily.  
\- Well he is … Would you like to hear the story behind it?  
\- Do I have any other choice, Madame?  
\- I got it from a butler …

James scoffed and thought to himself that he might actually have a chance then, but kept his mouth shut.

\- I got it after I … well had a few more drinks than normally doctors would advise … and may have caused a scene … and to top of the night I even slept with one of the hotel staff.  
\- … Charming.  
\- He actually was. … Would you also like to know his name?  
\- Not really, but I know that Madame will tell me anyway.

She got up from the wheelchair and walked over to his side.

\- James.  
\- … Yes?

She waited until he finally realized and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> The William joke is just me having fun, because my human headcanon for James is just William Powell.  
> Also I too am feeling very gay on this New Year and ready to smash in some windows with a baseball bat (if you wanna get this just watch My Man Godfrey).


End file.
